We all have demons
For some it’s self-loathing, so deep, so shaming they dare not speak it
For others it’s debilitating grief or anxiety or depression or all of the above; to get out of bed is a victory
Some cut or injure themselves
Some starve; some purge
Some have secrets – things they’ve done or things done to them – secrets hidden so deep, so horrible they can’t even find the words
We all have demons
Here are mine
I am haunted by the suffering in the world
I live the tragedies on repeat in my mind most nights when I try to sleep
The images they come swift and unrelenting
Overwhelming sorrow and guilt threaten to paralyze and suffocate me
Questions flood my mind
How is it I have such a life when others suffer so much?
Where is God in this suffering?
How can I believe in a loving God when such horror abounds?
And then comes the deep anger at God
Anger, sometimes hatred that God allows, ALLOWS the suffering
I have few answers to such questions
But, I do know that this world is not the way God wants it to be
This wasn’t the plan
And I know there is hope
When the demons come, I pray until I find the hope again
God always finds me and reminds me that I’m never alone
And I’m reminded I have a purpose, a part to play
I think every person every day has a choice
To make things a little better or a little worse
No more, no less
A choice to do nothing or something
A choice to do small things with great love
We all have demons
But, I hope we also have people to lean on
To hold us when the demons come
To fight alongside us in the midst of battle
I think that’s what life is all about
Finding our people and finding the strength to keep going
We all have demons
To speak them takes away some of their power
So speak them
Whisper if you have to, but speak them
To yourself if to no one else
Or to God, even if you’re not sure anyone’s listening
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